Saturday, November 3, 2012

I don't think I've ever spent so much time drawing the same set of words.  Not over and over again...the same exact set of words. I'm pleased though...I finally have a logo for my Graphic novel I'm pleased with 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Wow...um....Hi

It's been a while hasn't it?

I kinda sort of had a massive depression attack for a year or so.

Turns out I wasn't going in to the Illustration Dept. at KCAI..my finances would not allow it, so I came home and started trying to get into a different school.  Between my bad financial situation, feelings of failure with KCAI, and anxiety at trying again...I had gone a little crazy.

Lets talk about American Civil War history for one moment.

My high school history teacher was an incredible storyteller and made even the most non-interested kids laugh and take interest in his lessons. He had a mild cult following within the student body.   One of his favorite ways to engage people was to paint a picture of the personality of a historical figure, instead of blandly telling us what they had done, like a lot of history teachers are guilty of.  My favorite "characters" of his are George McClellan and Ulysses S. Grant.

George McClellan was the first General that Lincoln put in charge of the Army of the Potomac.  He was nearly a child prodigy, having graduated West Point at the age of 16 (after switching from law school at 13).  He graduated at 2nd in class, supposedly only because he didn't do very well in art class.       In short, he succeeded in everything.  The Civil War was his first real risk of failure...so he feared action at times.  He stayed in Washington DC far past when he should of, even pretending to be asleep when Lincoln and his War Secretary came to talk to him about his plans (which were difficult to get him to divulge in the first place).  Eventually even when he did take action he showed hesitation, whether it be river conditions or a invented belief in numerical inferiority.  Eventually Lincoln removed him from command after he didn't push his advantage after Antiedam.

He was afraid of failure, and the few he had had crippled him at times.

Ulysses S. Grant was the polar opposite.  He was a bit of a screw up at times. People remember Grant's Farm for him, but they rarely mention that he lost the farm.  He was stationed there, but was sent to the then backwater of California for being a bit of a drinker.  He was noted at first for only two things as a child: a love and talent with horses and being very quiet.  He had character though, and volunteered his military experience when the Civil War started.  They gave him command of their rejected forces, full of criminals, military malcontents and other assorted screw-ups. And he lead them to victory after victory. Why?

He had already dealt with failure in abundance...He didn't fear it.

How does this have anything to do with my art-schooling? I'm a McClellan. No I wasn't a genius/prodigy, but for the longest time I did not really receive much in the way of failure, so I put all my chips in.  When I did very very badly at KCAI...I was devestated. I felt I had failed at life, at everything I had pushed forward with my life.  My life was over in my eyes, and I had little to no reason to live.

So I did nothing for a year. Moped. Contemplated dark acts...until I manned the hell up and started doing things worthwhile again.

I'm in martial arts, have a job, have taken a bigger part in family events...and started making art again.

So, here I am, sorry for my absence . I draw and work on my skills every day now, school or no school, so I'll begin posting my work here.  Maybe more bits of nerdery as well, after all this isn't a school blog anymore :P