Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Wow...um....Hi
It's been a while hasn't it?
I kinda sort of had a massive depression attack for a year or so.
Turns out I wasn't going in to the Illustration Dept. at KCAI..my finances would not allow it, so I came home and started trying to get into a different school. Between my bad financial situation, feelings of failure with KCAI, and anxiety at trying again...I had gone a little crazy.
Lets talk about American Civil War history for one moment.
My high school history teacher was an incredible storyteller and made even the most non-interested kids laugh and take interest in his lessons. He had a mild cult following within the student body. One of his favorite ways to engage people was to paint a picture of the personality of a historical figure, instead of blandly telling us what they had done, like a lot of history teachers are guilty of. My favorite "characters" of his are George McClellan and Ulysses S. Grant.
George McClellan was the first General that Lincoln put in charge of the Army of the Potomac. He was nearly a child prodigy, having graduated West Point at the age of 16 (after switching from law school at 13). He graduated at 2nd in class, supposedly only because he didn't do very well in art class. In short, he succeeded in everything. The Civil War was his first real risk of failure...so he feared action at times. He stayed in Washington DC far past when he should of, even pretending to be asleep when Lincoln and his War Secretary came to talk to him about his plans (which were difficult to get him to divulge in the first place). Eventually even when he did take action he showed hesitation, whether it be river conditions or a invented belief in numerical inferiority. Eventually Lincoln removed him from command after he didn't push his advantage after Antiedam.
He was afraid of failure, and the few he had had crippled him at times.
Ulysses S. Grant was the polar opposite. He was a bit of a screw up at times. People remember Grant's Farm for him, but they rarely mention that he lost the farm. He was stationed there, but was sent to the then backwater of California for being a bit of a drinker. He was noted at first for only two things as a child: a love and talent with horses and being very quiet. He had character though, and volunteered his military experience when the Civil War started. They gave him command of their rejected forces, full of criminals, military malcontents and other assorted screw-ups. And he lead them to victory after victory. Why?
He had already dealt with failure in abundance...He didn't fear it.
How does this have anything to do with my art-schooling? I'm a McClellan. No I wasn't a genius/prodigy, but for the longest time I did not really receive much in the way of failure, so I put all my chips in. When I did very very badly at KCAI...I was devestated. I felt I had failed at life, at everything I had pushed forward with my life. My life was over in my eyes, and I had little to no reason to live.
So I did nothing for a year. Moped. Contemplated dark acts...until I manned the hell up and started doing things worthwhile again.
I'm in martial arts, have a job, have taken a bigger part in family events...and started making art again.
So, here I am, sorry for my absence . I draw and work on my skills every day now, school or no school, so I'll begin posting my work here. Maybe more bits of nerdery as well, after all this isn't a school blog anymore :P
I kinda sort of had a massive depression attack for a year or so.
Turns out I wasn't going in to the Illustration Dept. at KCAI..my finances would not allow it, so I came home and started trying to get into a different school. Between my bad financial situation, feelings of failure with KCAI, and anxiety at trying again...I had gone a little crazy.
Lets talk about American Civil War history for one moment.
My high school history teacher was an incredible storyteller and made even the most non-interested kids laugh and take interest in his lessons. He had a mild cult following within the student body. One of his favorite ways to engage people was to paint a picture of the personality of a historical figure, instead of blandly telling us what they had done, like a lot of history teachers are guilty of. My favorite "characters" of his are George McClellan and Ulysses S. Grant.
George McClellan was the first General that Lincoln put in charge of the Army of the Potomac. He was nearly a child prodigy, having graduated West Point at the age of 16 (after switching from law school at 13). He graduated at 2nd in class, supposedly only because he didn't do very well in art class. In short, he succeeded in everything. The Civil War was his first real risk of failure...so he feared action at times. He stayed in Washington DC far past when he should of, even pretending to be asleep when Lincoln and his War Secretary came to talk to him about his plans (which were difficult to get him to divulge in the first place). Eventually even when he did take action he showed hesitation, whether it be river conditions or a invented belief in numerical inferiority. Eventually Lincoln removed him from command after he didn't push his advantage after Antiedam.
He was afraid of failure, and the few he had had crippled him at times.
Ulysses S. Grant was the polar opposite. He was a bit of a screw up at times. People remember Grant's Farm for him, but they rarely mention that he lost the farm. He was stationed there, but was sent to the then backwater of California for being a bit of a drinker. He was noted at first for only two things as a child: a love and talent with horses and being very quiet. He had character though, and volunteered his military experience when the Civil War started. They gave him command of their rejected forces, full of criminals, military malcontents and other assorted screw-ups. And he lead them to victory after victory. Why?
He had already dealt with failure in abundance...He didn't fear it.
How does this have anything to do with my art-schooling? I'm a McClellan. No I wasn't a genius/prodigy, but for the longest time I did not really receive much in the way of failure, so I put all my chips in. When I did very very badly at KCAI...I was devestated. I felt I had failed at life, at everything I had pushed forward with my life. My life was over in my eyes, and I had little to no reason to live.
So I did nothing for a year. Moped. Contemplated dark acts...until I manned the hell up and started doing things worthwhile again.
I'm in martial arts, have a job, have taken a bigger part in family events...and started making art again.
So, here I am, sorry for my absence . I draw and work on my skills every day now, school or no school, so I'll begin posting my work here. Maybe more bits of nerdery as well, after all this isn't a school blog anymore :P
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Book Process and Goodbyes
(Insert Pictures here....having technical difficulties, will resolve soon)
With my book, Kacey and I found that the best way to put things together was to have the objects we used be our main category and then have the parts of those objects that we used (as marks) as the subcategory.
Our book-making process was bar none, the worse experience I've ever had in this dept. It caused me great despair making mistake after mistake, even though both of us tried our damnedest. I could no longer get angry anymore, I just feel deeper and deeper into depression. We had to improvise a lot, just because we had already redone it so many times and run low on money. It reminds me of all the reasons why I"m leaving this dept.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But I must be clear....I have to get this off my chest.
I may be leaving...But I never gave up and never just blew things off to get them done. I tried my best...and if it wasn't good enough...its because I'm not good enough, not that I didn't care.
Its been a fear of mine since I announced my departure that my teachers and classmates would believe that now I didn't care. I never stopped, I still do. Even when I tried not to care, I screwed that up too.
Its a matter of pride.
I would never allow myself to just blow off this dept., even if I got nothing from it. But I got plenty from it. My work is cleaner and more precise (even casually) then it has ever been. I have a sense of precision even in thought that makes organizing more natural and less evil then before. I am better for the experience
The hardest part is that I've made an enormous group of friends, that I am part of a UNIT with. And despite the difficulties I've had here...the teachers and faculty are some of the finest I've ever had.
We're a true team, and it hurts me to leave them, but I must.
I will continue to maintain this blog (under the banner of an illustrator). and it will be more about LULZ and wont be as heavily updated, but it'll be here, if you ever want to keep track of me.
Later guys, I'll visit, I promise
With my book, Kacey and I found that the best way to put things together was to have the objects we used be our main category and then have the parts of those objects that we used (as marks) as the subcategory.
Our book-making process was bar none, the worse experience I've ever had in this dept. It caused me great despair making mistake after mistake, even though both of us tried our damnedest. I could no longer get angry anymore, I just feel deeper and deeper into depression. We had to improvise a lot, just because we had already redone it so many times and run low on money. It reminds me of all the reasons why I"m leaving this dept.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But I must be clear....I have to get this off my chest.
I may be leaving...But I never gave up and never just blew things off to get them done. I tried my best...and if it wasn't good enough...its because I'm not good enough, not that I didn't care.
Its been a fear of mine since I announced my departure that my teachers and classmates would believe that now I didn't care. I never stopped, I still do. Even when I tried not to care, I screwed that up too.
Its a matter of pride.
I would never allow myself to just blow off this dept., even if I got nothing from it. But I got plenty from it. My work is cleaner and more precise (even casually) then it has ever been. I have a sense of precision even in thought that makes organizing more natural and less evil then before. I am better for the experience
The hardest part is that I've made an enormous group of friends, that I am part of a UNIT with. And despite the difficulties I've had here...the teachers and faculty are some of the finest I've ever had.
We're a true team, and it hurts me to leave them, but I must.
I will continue to maintain this blog (under the banner of an illustrator). and it will be more about LULZ and wont be as heavily updated, but it'll be here, if you ever want to keep track of me.
Later guys, I'll visit, I promise
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